Time to give up

Lent is often seen as a time of self-sacrifice, a time to give up something costly or even a pet sin that needs laid upon the proverbial altar and put to death. I have been thinking what I could give up this year. 

I have tried a few things over the years, from turning vegetarian to ditching social media, with varied success. 

Pondering what is toxic for me at this time and what needs given up during lent and even beyond has brought various ideas. 

I have seen various no yell challenges on parenting blogs and I do feel that would help on some level. But, even deeper than that is something I have struggled with more and more, anger. 

It is not wrong to be angry as such. Jesus was pretty angry when he flipped those tables. But, it is wrong to sin in anger or to be angry unjustly. God is slow to anger and rich in mercy, we should imitate that. I want to be better at that for sure.

I do have knowledge of myself now and know some, though admittedly not all, of my anger can be traced to sensory triggers and other autistic traits. Getting to the root of it gives me a better idea of things I should give up. 

I got sucked into doom scrolling social media in my spare time. This adversely impacted me (in the same way that pandemic facts and propaganda were used as psychological warfare that damaged my mental health years ago). I already tried to ditch certain obvious culprit social platforms and tried new ones only to find even more toxic attitudes, traits and ideals. It is rife among social users of all sorts of leanings it seems. Thinly veiled talk of the "Austrian Painter", and blatant support for using children as collateral damage or aborting for the purposes of eugenics being some prime examples of how sucky it has all been. There is also so much violent clips and the algorithm loves to trap people in a loop, showing more and more similar toxic content. I think it may have been C.S.Lewis or some other notable Christian who said to beware of what has entry to our "eye gate". 

The amount of time spent on screens, particularly handheld ones, is also triggering for me. Even when I'm doing neutral or good stuff online it can be a bit much for my senses. One thing I have done of late is uninstall most of my social apps and turned my blog into a minimalist blog that is easier on the eyes and less cluttered. This is only a step though, in the right direction.

Ultimately I am planning a 40 day fast from anger and some of its roots in me. This means a fast on some level from digital technology and the inclination (related or otherwise) to raise my voice.

To that end I will try to soften my voice, which as a fellow autistic mentioned, is good practice anyway, especially in homes with babies. 

I will also put my phone into survival/battery saver mode. On my device in practice this means I will put functional things like the messenger on my screen, probably the camera (given that is a less toxic hobby) and possibly my finch or notes app as that helps me with routines on the main screen. The rest will be hidden unless desperately needed. 

I will also aim to abstain from social media entirely during this time. This will free me to read more or explore other hobbies. I haven't decided if I will keep blogging yet during this fast or just use my notes app and post later. I can circle back to that one.

I know I'm basically taking on a bunch of ideas all at once for my lent and I have no doubt this is going to be hard, maybe even hurt a bit, but it is so needed. Hopefully, by the end of it I will be resest on some level and I can join with you in resurrection joy praising our resurrect saviour. Pancakes, the Ashes (proverbial or literal) and we are on our way. So have a blessed Lent and Easter season. See you on the other side.